Saturday, May 28, 2011

Wakeup call

Oh God!  I praise you and thank you.  Holy is your name.  Your creation groans and moves beneath us.  Thank you for reminding us that we are yours and there is meaning and purpose and a job to be done.  Give us insight and stamina.  Provide for the needs of your people.  Thank you!
I serve such an amazing God.  Ah, I love him so much.  I could bust out into song right now; a love song to my savior because He brought me so far!
I am anxious.  I feel eager to get home, to see Sam and Kael and hug and squeeze them and cover them with kisses.  When your world comes a quarter mile from ending it really gives you a huge wake up call.  I am so grateful in this instance for a wakeup call and not an object lesson.
Sam is going to be writing about his ordeal in Sunday with Sam.  Colby made a 5 part video that you can find here:  
I mentioned I was anxious…yes, I am.  I definitely am.  The Bible tells me in Philippians to be anxious for nothing.  I guess I should pray that the Lord will bring me peace.  It helps to remember this early on and give it over to him; spares so much headache, heartache, and worry.
“Lord, please bring me peace.” 
I have these feelings because I don’t like change.  I like things to be as I remembered them, I like to eat the same thing for breakfast every morning and have routine to my life.  I hear that so much has changed and everyone there has had an experience together that I don’t have.  I am an outsider in this regard.  That feels weird.
Everyone back home lived through this tragedy.  They have the wounds and memories, sounds, sights, smells.  And then there are all the new faces of people coming from all over to help.  Faces that I have never seen, people who might be there for a little while, might be there for the long haul, but lots and lots of new faces.  All taking part in an experience without me, that didn’t include me.
I don’t like all the ‘me, me, me’s’ I am reading that I am writing…’goodness Ronda, think about someone else for a change!’
Forgive me for this boo hoo blog.  I think it helps to put this all out there as I prepare to go back home and see that everything is different and everyone has already had the emotions that I am going to go through.  Anxious…yep, it sums it up.
I don’t know where and how I will be a help.  That makes me anxious too!  I am going to try and bring home my Kitchen Aid Mixer and my sewing machine J.  My airline is going to love me!  I was going to pack them in my suitcase, and they would fit, but I think they could get damaged this way so I think I will go the tote, or box route.  I am excited to have them back and hope I can do some good with them.  Make food, sew stuff…I will think of something.
Before Sam and I left Seattle for Joplin we recorded this song.  It was in my Mom’s car that she blessed me with by letting me use it while I was here visiting.  I popped it in the CD player and listened to it several times. This song was a gift He gave to us (Sam and me).  We needed it.  When we wrote this song the words flew from our minds and finger tips right onto the paper and the melody and harmonies were easy and unplanned. It was a message, a wakeup call for us that we can get so comfortable in our day to day that we become unaware.  AWAKE MY SOUL!
I am ready to be home, but scared of what I will find, and nervous that I will be an outsider.
Man, even reading this I want to turn to myself and say ‘get over yourself, self!’  Oh Lord, you are teaching me even now.  Thank you.

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1 comment:

  1. I'll be praying as you return that you find things to do with your hands and your heart to bless your people there. Thank you for the song this morning, that was beautiful. Many blessings my dear on you and yours.