Friday, August 26, 2011

Near death, a mother's nightmare

I have had a few close calls as a parent.  Primarily with Caleb who was always a magnet for danger as a baby.  Kael with this Sensory Processing disorder, past numerous bumps and bruises from not being able to adequately feel pain, is usually not one to get hurt.  He is one tough cookie.  Yesterday he was one foot, one second away from being killed right in front of my eyes.  It was the worst moment ever because I could see it happening but I could do little to stop it.
I was outside playing with the little boys.  We live on a street without a fence in our yard (we are moving soon YAY), and cars often drive by too fast.  When I am outside with the boys I am usually standing playing referee keeping them inside a comfortable zone close to the house.  I was sitting on the edge of the driveway which is about 25 feet from the street and Kael started walking toward the road.  He was smiling at me as he walked because he knew he was being naughty.  I told him to come here now! He giggled and kept shuffling his dusty little feet through the gravel.
I knew this was a bad thing because I could hear a car in the distance.  I didn’t want to start running at him because I knew he would run.  So I stood up thinking I would calmly approach him like a wild animal catcher and gently corral him back to safety.  I didn't get that chance.  As soon as I stood up he started running toward the street.  So I started running and screaming and waving my arms.  It all happened so fast, but mathematically speaking I could see the vehicle coming over the hill and I could see where Kael was and the speed at which they were both moving and he was going to get hit if he didn’t stop or if they didn’t stop and I wouldn't get to him in time.
This seriously happened SO FAST.  They didn’t see me screaming and running and madly waving my arms.  They didn’t see Kael 3 feet, 40 lbs barreling toward them squealing and giggling as he ran.  I was right Kael would have been hit and killed.  He reached the street the very moment that they would have plowed into him, but he stopped.  His toes were touching the road, but he stopped.
It was the worst moment ever.  I understand that it could have really been the worst moment ever, but it was still the worst moment ever.
I could picture it over and over and over again in my mind seeing Kael getting hit.  I dragged him and Caleb into the house. Sam and I agreed that for now Kael can’t be outside.  He doesn’t have a concept of danger past he knows not to touch something “HOT”.  It is really a challenge to teach a child with SPD danger.  He also thought it was a fun game, mom chasing him.  He doesn’t obey me 90% of the time because he has very few consequences that actually bother him.
My heart still hurts.
I kept thinking about a two year old little boy in Washington in Tulalip who was hit and killed by a car because as he ran toward the road his family chased after him.  He thought it was a funny game.  So he ran faster and ran right into the street.
Kael was so close.  What do I do now?  How do I teach him?
Sam and I prayed for him last night and we thanked God for keeping him safe.  We prayed that God would send Kael a few angels to keep guard.  We are going to try and keep him out of danger as much as is humanly reasonable.
So if you see Kael duck taped to Sam or my hip, now you will know why.
Whew...Pray with me?
God, thank you so much for keeping Kael safe.  Thank you so much for not letting me watch my little boy die.  Please help me.  Please help me know how to teach Kael.  Please unlock his brain and help him to grow and learn more and more so that he can communicate clearly and be clearly communicated with.  Thank you for entrusting us with Kael.  We want to do a good job, but sometimes I don't understand the best way.  Thank you so much for mercy.

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