I am a daughter of God, with a heart laid down for Jesus, a servant to His purposes for the fulfilling of His Kingdom on earth. But I wasn’t always.
I came from a home where my father had killed himself, and from that point on a very rocky childhood ensued. As an early teen I began using drugs and quickly became an addict. I had little stability or trust in my home and looked closely to peers. I had tried many times going to alter calls and getting “saved,” but it never seemed to stick. Until one day, at 19, I realized I couldn’t break the habit of needing a high. I held a great job, but few good relationships, and always turned to some form of fulfillment other than the Lord. I was hurting and broken, yet seemingly very strong on the outside. I looked and sounded put together, but I knew I wasn’t and in that place I cried out to the Lord and He heard.
In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, my cry to him reached his ears. Psalms 18: 6
The beginning of my relationship with Him, me asking and Him always answering; that’s the Lord I serve. A true Father who never leaves me helpless or wondering, but takes me by the hand and walks me through a process to true redemption and restoration. The process has not always been fun.
Coming from a former life of instability, my desperate cry was and always is reality. I want truth and nothing else. Yet, the reality He started with was not exciting, the darkness of my heart. I was broken, I thought I was strong and had toughed it through so much of my life, but that was a lie. I was a very harsh and strong woman, lacking in gentleness and love, quite the opposite of Jesus. The depth of my shallow heart became very apparent. I was still a girl broken from the destruction of life whom seemingly pulled through with self-made bandages of strength. The strength only revealing the bandages were pride and they kept me from true healing. I needed Jesus to go to the innermost places of my darkness and release His healing and blood over situations, circumstances and sin. I had to become very real with my mentor, my husband and keep myself in a place of continual and quick repentance. Sometimes even going back to people and repenting.
I came from a home where my father had killed himself, and from that point on a very rocky childhood ensued. As an early teen I began using drugs and quickly became an addict. I had little stability or trust in my home and looked closely to peers. I had tried many times going to alter calls and getting “saved,” but it never seemed to stick. Until one day, at 19, I realized I couldn’t break the habit of needing a high. I held a great job, but few good relationships, and always turned to some form of fulfillment other than the Lord. I was hurting and broken, yet seemingly very strong on the outside. I looked and sounded put together, but I knew I wasn’t and in that place I cried out to the Lord and He heard.
In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, my cry to him reached his ears. Psalms 18: 6
The beginning of my relationship with Him, me asking and Him always answering; that’s the Lord I serve. A true Father who never leaves me helpless or wondering, but takes me by the hand and walks me through a process to true redemption and restoration. The process has not always been fun.
Coming from a former life of instability, my desperate cry was and always is reality. I want truth and nothing else. Yet, the reality He started with was not exciting, the darkness of my heart. I was broken, I thought I was strong and had toughed it through so much of my life, but that was a lie. I was a very harsh and strong woman, lacking in gentleness and love, quite the opposite of Jesus. The depth of my shallow heart became very apparent. I was still a girl broken from the destruction of life whom seemingly pulled through with self-made bandages of strength. The strength only revealing the bandages were pride and they kept me from true healing. I needed Jesus to go to the innermost places of my darkness and release His healing and blood over situations, circumstances and sin. I had to become very real with my mentor, my husband and keep myself in a place of continual and quick repentance. Sometimes even going back to people and repenting.
The Lord began this all by showing me a picture of my body lying on a surgeons table, my chest wide open and my heart completely black, brown and gross. I needed to break up the fallow ground of my heart to allow His ever-flowing spring of life. Humbling, but ever so freeing, I needed Him, I couldn’t do it! This has become my process, one of intense transparency and humility. Diving deep into the depths of the past and allowing the Lord to touch even the most painful, hidden places. Some I didn’t even realize were hidden, but he’s always faithful. I bring every fear, every ill thought, every emotion before Him. Whatever doesn’t align with His life, I know I am living in some form of a lie. I am saved, but I am daily being redeemed and restored. I can honestly claim that it is no longer I that lives but Christ lives in me and that is owed to the restoration of my heart; I am my Father’s business. Whatever Jesus asks of you, do it, there is always freedom on the other side. Apprehend the truth, may the Lord reveal every aspect of His reality to you. To Him be glory forevermore.
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| Alicia Dzurenko, Woodinville, WA |
Much Love,
Alicia
~Note from Ronda
This is my precious friend, a gift from God, a woman after my own heart. She is a mother of two little boys and she has another little bundle on the way. God blessed me with this friendship back when I worked for Wells Fargo. Alicia and her husband Michael were customers of mine and now, treasured friends. I love her dearly, and I am so grateful that she is saved, that she is a strong woman, and that God is a constant stable source of joy in her life. It is evident when you meet her. She radiates beauty, and when she laughs, you laugh too.
xoxo
Ronda
Dear Alicia,
ReplyDeleteThank You for sharing your Testimony.
To see all that God has brought you through
truly builds Faith.
A new baby on the way. . . how wonderful !
~Ronda's Mom~